How to Win a Spelling Bee

So, it was New Year’s Day 2006, I was in Chicago with my wife. Being about -40F outside we were surfing the TV channels in our hotel and on ESPN they were showing a Spelling Bee. Whilst not actually a sport (don’t get me started), it is a competition I was told, and there would be prizes (oh, where do I sign up?).

I haven’t seen Spellbound, the documentary film about US kids entering spelling competitions, but apparently it’s very good, if you’re in to that sort of thing. I’m not, but have been wowed with tales of my American wife’s wondrous childhood in such competitions (I’ve seen the Winner ribbons.) I thought I’d give it a watch.

It was clearly not live as a) it was New Year’s Day and b) it was 10pm at night, but it was enthralling. Round after round of children being crushed by words not spoken since ancient times. Constant asking of “What is the origin?” and “Could you use that in a sentence please?” rained down on the judge as if it made an actual difference to the spelling. Ah, it’s Anglo-Greek, not Swahili, which means it must end in isk and not esk.

A few hours later the wife was asleep and the final round of, frankly, odd children was upon us. The girl who had to answer correctly to win started celebrating before she answered the question, but when she did it was a glorious sight, with proud friends, family and probably school teachers in one giant hug that only Americans can do. The trophy was lifted from its secure location and as it was handed out, the deep-voiced announcer said “Ladies and gentleman, it has been a wonderful evening and all the contestants should be proud. However there can only be one winner, so please stand up and welcome the winner of the 1998 Nat..” and frankly I didn’t hear much else. 1998? One Nine Nine Eight? For the last three hours, until one-o’clock in the morning, on holiday, I’ve been watching an eight year old spelling competition involving people who are now probably 20 years old?

In hindsight, they weren’t dressed in the most modern of dress, but I had just assumed they were a few years behind the times, and anyway their real love is words and not fashion. The judge’s jacket and glasses did seem to be from the 1970s so there was no clue there, and the kids were all in the same polo shirts.

I knew I should have stuck with my instinct and watched the first series of 24 played back-to-back. Or at least this could have been on:

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